Caregiving Help Library
The Waiting Game: Limbo and Terminal Illness |
Continued
Aren't these the same symptoms as anxiety? Anxiety can come out in many forms, including physical symptoms. Anxiety has a lot to do with feelings of safety andfear. Some of the symptoms are:
- Insomnia, an inability to sleep because of worry about the future, or fear that you'll die in your sleep
- Physical symptoms: such as an anxious feeling, headaches, stomach distress, fatigue
- Panic attacks
- Shortness of breath
- Lump in your throat
- Feeling of impending doom
- Dizziness
- Heart palpitations
- Worry that the symptoms may mean that you have the same thing as your loved one who is ill has or who has died
The best thing to do is to check these symptoms out with your physician. Prolonged grief can decrease your immune system and you may become ill easier. So ruling out a true physical symptom is important.
How to cope?
Limbo states do end. When you find out the answer then action of some sort can be taken. Even if that action is preparing for the inevitable.
Depression can be helped. By talking, re-framing things in a more positive way, taking action, relaxation techniques, possibly using an anti-depressant medication, recognizing that this is related to the grief and understanding the grief process, depression can be decreased.
Anxiety can be helped, also. Talking with someone, being reassured that there is no physical cause, exercise and again medication can ease these symptoms. At this point I'm referring primarily to the family member of someone ill or who has died. If it is the person who is terminally ill, then relaxation techniques, music, talking, reduction of pain through appropriate methods, meditation, preparation for the future, understanding what is happening, support from family and friends can all help.
Coping with your family?
If you are the one who is sick, it is important to tell your family how you feel. Talk together with your family as early as you can about your wishes and desires. That way you can work together to remain as independent as possible as long as you can. Know that self-pity is inevitable at some point. You may feel it or your family members may feel it. During the limbo stage when you are waiting, family members may be more optimistic than you are. They may not yet be able to face the possibility or by nature not panic until word comes. They may go the other direction and be fussing over you as if the worse news has come and it hasn't yet. Again, the more you talk honestly about your feelings the better everyone will cope.
Eventually the limbo will end and you will know what you are facing. At that point, you will have entered another stage.
Limbo
In a state of worry, I wait
Wondering what my future holds.
I am terrified, I am afraid.
I am scared that I won't have that chance to gracefully grow old.
Time moves slowly in this unique state.
And what else can I do but pray and wait.
I'm in limbo.
Debbie Sims is a Certified Clinical Nurse Specialist in Adult Psychiatric Nursing, has a Masters degree in Clinical Psychology, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She maintains a private practice in counseling but her devotion is to her position as Editor for Beyond Indigo an Internet web site for those who are grieving.
